Christmas morning - bullet form.

Afton awake from 2:30 -4:30 am in pure "I can't sleep Mama!" excitement. Cedar up at 5:30 am. We pound down the stairs with baby Jesus dolly bouncing in Cedar's arms. When we hit the ground floor - everyone stopped still to take it all in. Pure quiet.

I expected the pandemonium to hit - but no.

They giggled quietly with "Omigosh!" and "Oh, Cool" punctuating the mental absorption.

Afton asked, "Is it my Birthday?"

Only later after the stocking full of candy was ingested did the chaos of indoor rollerskating, toy bulldozer, a balloon, and random Dora/dollie/playdough-ness take place.

Christmas was very simple this year in scheduling and gifting. It felt really good. Quieter somehow. I've now had a chance to really process some of the true gifts and truths I've been privileged to receive.

Christmas morning.

Too legit...

Hoser

As many of you know, I have a fabulous friend living with Levi and I. Her name is Lisa and she tells this story.

"My dad was great at changing the diapers of my sister and I. He made sure we were clean and in fresh ones. Many men won't even help this way. The challenge with my dad is that he hated poop. Being the type of man to find a way, he....found a way. He would dump all the poopy diapers on the lawn and HOSE THEM OUT. Mom's favorite game when she got home from work was to - find all the diapers scattered across the lawn. Thank God we lived in the country."



You know I can't resist a poop story for long.

Barbie

Having a little girl always poses the question of "To Barbie or not to Barbie", does she unnaturally warp little girls minds with unfair expectations and hopes? I'm thinking if we created a Barbie that was more true-to-life it would be "flat-chested, pear shaped Barbie". Maybe with stretch marks...

Pressure

Interesting how pressure steams out the true emotions of the heart. It's so easy to hold things together when life is together. But today as Afton accidentally pooped in my hand (some might consider that in itself birth control) and after I threw the ca-ca in the toilet and toilet water splashed in my mouth, I was able to laugh.

But let's process a morning where I'm tired, coffee-less, QT less, there are internal and external pressures, and something hits the fan. I think that's a good measure of the real me. Some might excuse that and justify crappy reactions because of circumstances, but I have to wonder about that.

Justifying poo-poo personal behaviour just seems like whining if you hear someone else do it...

Manners

For so long I viewed having manners as needed nightmares that were performed for other people. Stiff and awkward people. Or Holiday people.

I don't mean basic courtesies like not grotesquely belching at the dinner table. I mean dinner napkins on the lap, husbands pulling out the chair for their wives, "please pass the...", setting the silverware properly, etc...

Manners are meant to be a form of love. Of hospitality. There is a basic framework set for everyone to find the rhythm within. There are so many aspects of thinking about someone other than yourself (oneself?)within manners.

I'm not truly a fan of formality, but I love making people feel at ease. I'm definitely not the queen of details, but sometimes love is in those details.

What do you think?

Pop-pop

Levi's dad, "Pop-pop" was here for a great visit - the kiddos had a blast with him. Missed their Gramma Sue though.

This is the code for the photo of Copper Canyon that I can't upload

Adventure

OK - Secret grade school dream was to be an archeologist. Now, in your most childish treehouse dreams - if you could travel to somewhere deliciously exotic to explore - where would you choose?

Iowa is not exotic.

Just try it

Have you ever googled yourself? So strange. There was actually a "Bethany Fuson" who lived in the 1800's and one living in KY right now! And I thought it was a weird name. Try it!

Health and Healing

Sunday morning I stood in my "restaurant booth" at our new church. A girlfriend and I watched together as our Pastors, B&T, stood in front of our colt-legged church and committed to do "what it takes" to pastor our burgeoning body.

It was a moment.

All of the discussions Levi and I had waded through in deciding to move here, B & T's difficult journey to get even a small church to truly gel as they dreamed, T searching relentlessly for housing op's for us, B driving to Milwaukee in the middle of the night after grueling work hours to pick Afton & I up from the airport, praying, hoping, meeting and eventually filling Titletown's donated room, our Leadership Teams' growth from awkwardness to to fabulousness...and to look around and see all of the faces that have gathered in just a year...

It was overwhelming.

It's been awhile since I've felt really safe to open up some areas of the "real me" to exposure and growth. I can't believe it's finally time. I feel like a teenager before the high-school dance.

I am thankful.

Lipstick Terrorist

OMILORD IN HEAVEN!!!!! Help me FATHER! My daughter is on a rampage.

Determined to have her way and fueled by a chocolate milk, 2 yr old Afton armed herself with Mary Kay lipsticks, lipliners, lip primers and various weapons of her warfare. Hidden in night-night blankies and waiting until cover of night - she unloaded her arsenal of chaos. Retribution for unhappy bathtimes, pottie training, and lost toothbrushes all funneled into a seething-whirling-jambalaya of destruction upon the unsuspecting bathroom...

Leaving a solitary color. Mama's favorite and only red lipstick, "Chocolate Mousse", unscathed.

Until this evening. Once again the baby bandit struck.

Thank goodness for a product sample book.

For free

You may have heard that our little rugged churchplant has been growing and has now exceeded all space options (Kids were all asked to sit on parents laps..) LOVE this kind of "Problem" ;)

But a fellow with connections set up a meeting with another man of means who owned a fabulous old-school theatre/jazz club downtown. After several months of bantering we picked up the keys to it.

And this 1.2 million dollar building was given to us. For free.

Most of us just crapped our pants. It's overwhelming and wonderful. Not even so much to have the building - but the journey for our pastors - meeting in small living rooms, starting a churchplant over, emotional and relational duress, working with very little and yet still dreaming of a place where we could affect the Green Bay downtown. Not necessarily with "churchiness", but with help. More details to come....

Reading the B.

OK - Got the Barack book (1st one) and it's good . 1/4 way through a monstrous Winston Churchill bio - so far he's a prig. The book is a monster - so he's got time to progress... Anybody else like this guy?

Oldies

Due to the mental slugs, never realized I could actually Google people who who regular old pals. I know, "techie re-re".

But the point is - do you have those people in your past that are so precious to your heart that just hearing their name makes you smile? Who are some of your fav's? No, Bono is a rockstar and he doesn't count.

Misthought

Cedar is currently fascinated with sharks. He will focus - memorizing every detail about the water levels they swim at, what they eat, what regions they swim in etc.. He rushed over to me in alarm last night after dad read to him that some sharks were "bottom-feeders".

Imagine the thoughts of a 5 yr old...

Sharks eat bottoms.

Excess

Contemplating excess.

Why do we as a culture deem it necessary to purchase a 10 lb tub of cheeseballs for a small family? Why do we need gi-normous homes that are energy consuming and so poorly designed that we only use 1/2 the space? Why do we need huge front yards? Why do we buy and keep so much trash? Why is Christmas a million cheapo presents event instead of a few quality gifts event? ( I know some of you are irritated I even mentioned Christmas and consumerism together..)

I read on a blog recently the definition of consumer. One of the words used to explain was "devourer". There are global comics from as early as WW2 that visualize the US as an incredibly obese individual shoveling nations into it's mouth. Later through the 70's we appeared gobbling natural resources. I hate this picture. I've traveled internationally, and while there are positive aspects fronted about the US, if you can get someone to talk honestly - there is always a sense of the US taking more than their share. I know the other 1/2 being what we've invested and given, but have we ever taken an honest look of what we use personally?

One of my friends has a husband who could live the most spartan lifestyle (a 3 pr underwear kind of guy) . Probably why he's a pastor. ;) While this is extreme, I've noticed that every time we've moved it has been (painfully) refreshing and dynamic to release myself of the expectation of "thing comfort".

Finally, a story. When we got married a "clingy friend" made me a gift. It was not pretty, useful or practical. It was more like - horrible. But it was large and meant to be displayed prominently. I hung onto this for YEARS for fear she would come over and not see it out and being loved. And I didn't even really like the poor girl. The one time she visited my house - I yanked it out of it's dusty trashbag and laid it out. She didn't even see it. Realizing my re-re bahaviour, it went into the trashCAN and hopefully to the dump. Can anyone relate?

My boyfriend

Sorry about the shortie posts, my Safari keeps quitting, so I'd resigned myself to snippets.

Only one supa' sta' can have me retype these same words several times. Barack. He was on some late night show being himself. I love that he appears to actually think before he speaks. Seems huge compared to the "axis of evil" commentaries.

Something begs a question though. Would you rather vote for a politician that rep you or one that rep themself?

Tall girl rule #3

Make sure you have a fabulous purse or belt to break up the gorgeous length of you. Generally, small purses and jewelry on tall or chunky women are ridiculous. Proportion...

Tall Girls Rule #2

Tallness = Presence.

If you are gifted with being tall, make the choice to be as intelligent as possible. Have something to say. The gift of heigth often puts you in the place to be heard. And be as loving as possible - no one likes a BIG meanie. ;)

Tall girl rule #1

Wear heels and stand straight.

Proof of my progeny

Bursting

OK, the time has come to announce what I deem the most incredibly fabulous childrens television show available today. DO not hold back - you MUST avail yourself and the selves under age 5 to the most entrancing of boob-tubage.

Max and Ruby. On Noggin. Also available on the web for activities.

Charming, clean, no carnage or crass humor. I love love love that BOTH my 2 and 5 yr olds are equally engaged and laugh OUT LOUD.

Whew, I've been saving that for awhile. ;)

2 year old sexist

This morning, "Dora" blaring, Afton sassed off to me - jealous because I was holding Cedar.

I said, " Afton there is plenty of room for mama to hold both you and Cedar, come over here."
Through her paci she murmured, "hfnbfcsejkcbfyej." "What? Afton, take your paci out and speak clearly."

"I don't wanna share, " she anunciated perfectly, "because, he's a MAN."

My parenting skills are FINALLY showing themselves...

Buckle Under Your Boobs

Back from Dallas TX. Had a training conference with my Company and it was DYNAMITE! Sorry its' been awhile.

My sister Faith and I were joking about the concept of belt buckles and being high-waisted. In our family we're more of a "Cross-your-waist" bra style of women. Until I was 22 I never liked the way I looked. Actually hated that I didn't look like 80's perfection. No I'm relieved and embracing the quirks.

Did you know that most people are not symmetrical in their bodies? Ears, Breast, Eyes Hips... And yet when a standard is raised - Symmetry is "perfection" according to whatever magazine guru has elected themselves to deciding that they are god of beauty-law. Who decided that we all have to have a 6-pack? I love my husband and he was mentioning that even when in peak condition (he freakin biked the Alaska Hwy) and when he was totally ripped - his body didn't form the coveted 6-pack. I could have cared less. I like his nose, I like his heart, I like the way his personality fills a room.

Sure, some folks rate high on the gorgeous-o-meter for looks only. I just like when they have gorgous insides too.

Must read

2 books to read this summer:

1. Interior Desecrations by James Lileks - OMILORD! If you enjoy a little sarc, you will die happy. U.R - This is REQUIRED reading.

2. Grandmere - life of Eleanor Roosevelt by David Roosevelt - Deep satisfying and fabulous. What an amazing down to earth world changing woman. Spectacular.

Obese Furniture

I must mentally purge. I cannot stand obese furniture. Disgustingly overstuffed sofas and armchairs wedged into rooms so small that none can walk all for the sake of "comfort". C'mon - I know we're the fattest nation in the global economy, but my Lord - between the mcMansions filled with wasted space and pudgy armchairs clogging our homes - doesn't something feel off? And I own these rotund items in my own living room. I am blessed to HAVE furniture, but my question is, why are manufacturers determined to spew this stuff out. Yes, the American public will buy whatever that can eat chips and lay down on, but I KNOW there are other options out there.

Excellence

I'm pondering excellence. Athletes, governmental leaders, CEO's whatever. There is a cost to excellence. Obviously time, often $, but what about the rest? How does one determine how much time a spouse or child should receive if pushing toward excellence? Can family be healthily maintained and even grow while a parent is pushing to their maximum? Is excellence sustainable? Excellence in character, excellence in work, excellence in parenting..... Does one negate the other?

Taking charge

I was blogging this morning and realized something. I love myself and I love that. I think I'm beautiful and special and important. Not because I was brainwashed in Sunday School, not because Oprah says I have to, not because I'm an arrogant wench who has nothing better to do - just because I'm finally realizing my value as a creation.

If I were to walk into a group of women - any type and anywhere, and shared that I think - "I'm beautiful" it could bring out an interesting range of generally negative responses. "Oh really, well your thighs are..., Hmm, I see areas you could grow..., How can she say that..? "

But I wonder about the positive responses. I hope there would be some. But, if not I would be OK. I like who I'm becoming and who I am.

Graphically pissed off

Not profane graphic,more "I never realized how ugly my blog is". All about the content. So I visited my dream perfection lighthearted sharp blog dream header. Shitake. Folks where can I find graphics that look like The Flipflop mama's. I can draw, Levi can create. Neither of us has time. I've now spent valuable hours combing through blogger templates/graphics and am weak with nausea due to the ug-factor. Levi says this will take many many hours.

Unacceptable - I have toilets to clean and I hate research. Besides the slow-churned ice-cream is melting.

The aftermath

Yesterday the amazing cluster of Cedar's fav local pals joined us in celebrating his 5th B.D. Kids faces were pummeled with inflatable balls, Afton developed a facial rash from eating too much sugar, C's angel food cake needed a chain saw to cut it, All the water ballons were "mysteriously" popped in the cooler while we ate and so much more...

I fearfully asked Cedar (who can't walk normally because he had been drinking -soda- an twisted his ankle), "Son, how, um, was your party?"

He answered, "Awesome!"

Umm that's too much info.

OK Levi told me there is now a med that ADVERTISES a side effect that has even I , grossed out. Imagine, if you will, struggling with this: Greasy poop.

Omigosh.

Way too much info guys, keep that on the backside ;) of the box.

On that note, what is your least favorite illness? That you've had. No weird monkey fever stuff.

Those kind of friends

Have any of you found that elusive "gang' of friends. Not just the one or two fabulous - but the dynamic blend of at least 3 that gel.

Thanks everyone!!

Well, the trip to Valpo was fantastic! The beautiful garden for Lynn went in and will only continue to get more so. I got to spend time with Nat, M & M and Chad-Holly and the kiddos. What a joy to be with family - late night talks, laughs, and being with some of your favorite people in the world.

For all those that know Wayne Swanson, the Kraker Family or Jenny Wallace - give them a squeeze from me- they went absolutely above and beyond the call of duty. ;)

AND I finally got to meet Sara's lovely man!

Thanks everyone!

I Need Funny

Folks, I need jokes. This is one of those mornings I feel like a hater. I've never enjoyed cleaning as a joyous hobby and stay-at-home mom land is a struggle. Afton is potty-training and I feel like all I do is clean. Clean poop, clean counters, clean floors and every other surface over and over. Omilord, I hate this job of cleaning lady. Trying to love and see big picture but blogger pals, I need poop jokes, I need horrible fat lady falling down and underwear showing stories, I need perspective. ;)

Just for this morning. Don't worry - I am making a pot of coffee...

THIS weekend

THIS weekend Afton and I head to Valpo to help install Lynn Fuson's Memorial Garden - It will be amazing and Afton has promised to push the rototiller at least an hour with no smoke breaks.

If you are local - I need you. I can only dig so long before my obvious lack of working out causes my knees to buckle and my lungs to scream with shrinkage. I beg you. With dignity, of course.

Besides, Lynn was worth this.

Email me or post or call Sara Vanderwoude.

Yahoo! It's a dirty party! Well, um, only in the cleanest sense.

Whatcha whatcha whatcha love

Ok this is lovingly brainless. There are some things in my home that I love. For beauty, for effectiveness, for streamlining...etc

The 96 cent square handled white scrubber from Walmart that actually works. I LOVE this little tool.

The 1st Norah Jones c.d. It is perfection.

MK - Microderm Abrasion - bye bye ugly skin

Dora & Diego - thank you, God!

Shampoo bottles with pumps.

Fresh flowers, anywhere, everywhere.

Our big mirror. Every room it's in looks warmer and less ghetto.

Our computer/bookcase that Levi and I rescued and transformed. Gosh it feels good to have pieces like this.



Do you have any items that delight your soul?

Princess Jesus

Yesterday, Levi and I took the kiddos to a wedding with predictable results. Yes, after throwing things down on people from the balcony, running a non-stop verbal blow-by-blow of the "princess" (bride) wearihg her bee-yoo-ti-ful "sprinkles" (sparkles) in a non-uberholy-whisper, and Afton catching her arm in some crazy piece of architecture - then screaming bloody murder in the midst of the ceremony as I whisked her down some 1840's rickety wooden spiral staircase. Did I mention we were in an 8 x 10 ish wooden balcony with an organ and 15 people with no a.c.?

It's all about the bride, I chanted. Levi's forehead was slick with sweat.

The funny part was Afton staring enraptured at the unbelievably ornate altar. It was white, pink, blue, and gold with crazy curlicues. There was Jesus in His "dress" looking very similar to Cinderella at the ball. Thus Afton concluded, "Look mama, castle with the princess, sooo pretty..."

Thank God for 2 year olds.

Dig it.

Hey any of you available the last weekend in May? If so, let's party!! We're putting in a Memorial Garden for Lynn Fuson (Levi's mom) at Greenwich house. It's going to be so beautiful. But, I need help. Different 2-3 hour volunteer shifts are set up for Fri-Sun. Can you dig it, baby? Let me know if you can move you arm muscles the way you move your finger muscles.

I can't stop!!

Transgender. Let's talk. I am fascinated to no end about this phenomena. Just talking to a girlfriend this morning on ramifications socially and spiritually.

Just a bit more...

OK, this could be interesting. In light of the previous conversation, I've been unintentionally processing another hot topic. I'm a bit hesitant to bring it up, but I'm crazily curious what you all think.

Women as Head Pastors. Biblical or unbiblical? Not a problem or Jezebel?

No WAY!!!!

OK, I've heard this before, but I thought times were changing much quicker. That women are still making sickeningly less than men doing the same job with better qualifications and work habits. I'm going to scream. And that as men and women age is gets WORSE. What in the hell?? Who is in charge of this Bozo patrol? I swear that as my generation of Father-less men moves in mature corporate leadership things could move into the blender. I want this to CHANGE. Barack......!!!!!

I swear the reason that moms aren't paid what they are worth financially is that not only is the worth "priceless" ;) - but if it had a $ amount - mamas would be millionaires.

I feel great worth in my home and through my Papa in heaven, but this outside perspective on the worth of a woman being viewed as less is insane. And DON'T GET ME STARTED on the view within the church. I love the body of Christ and that does not negate that we need some GROWTH here. I'm not just a rib-bone, folks...

W-M - Angel or Devil?

SOooo, I've heard and read a LOT about WaL-MART and would love to know how you preceive the bargainland. Is it a bargain? Talk to me, peeps! (Not the gross yellow sugar marshmallow peeps that make a huge mess and taste so sick...)

Rats

I've been discovered. I truly have run out of my yearly supply of witty, endearing or intelligent remarks. Depleted by April.

Just kidding.

I think spending time with my family is the most incredible gift. My brother and sister-in-law are headed overseas with their baby as I type. We spent the last 7 days eating, laughing, crying, hugging and squeezing the new babies. It was decadent in our cocoon of safe (chaotic) love. It is HARD to let loved ones travel into unsafe areas.

We celebrated Afton's b-day with her cousin Abilove. My sister and mom created a stand-up Barbie doll cake. It was slightly awkward deciding who had to eat the slice cut from near Barbie's buttocks. Afton had no problem scraping the frosting off of the fake-tan plastic boobies.

I am bad holiday mom. Tomorrow I will join the rest of this select group at our clubhouse. Wal-mart. I'm trying to avoid sugar-poisoning my tots and yet still maintain the elusive crown of "Fun-Mom" in their eyes. Books? Pastel annoying stuffed animals? Glorious chocolate?? Afton's Birthday also happens to fall on Easter this year. Rats. I haven't shopped for her either. And maybe I won't...

True confessions. I generally hate stuffed animals. I have only liked one, well two. The rest are crap.

OK I'm done.

Tickling

Is it fair for people who are not ticklish to tickle people who are?

Growing Pains

As our children decide that they simply must grow ;) we have been revamping boundaries within our home. It's interesting (more like hellish) to experience a child who has outgrown the old and is straining towards the new, needed model of 5 yr old-land.

I hit a horrible hot point that I struggled to see through last week and called my partner in crime - my sister, Holly. (Levi was at work and dually frustrated, anyhow) She just had her third punkin and is a welcome mental respite. It's good to hear other people's children being normal and a bit wacked out when you know they're fabulous parents. Kids are weird sometimes and it's fantastic to just let them stretch out in that weirdness and "find themselves".

There is a great teacher out of Redding, CA (Can any good come from... Just kidding...) named Danny Silk who helps folks navigate the slushy sea of parenting. Holly's 15 min pep talk was pure Holly-fied Danny. Between that talk and a good restful moment of prayer, I now have a loose strategy (and it's working!!)

Smells like...

Yesterday in automotive dept of Walmart, Cedar observed, "It smells like boys". How does one come to that conclusion? It was either the tools or the RIght Guard D.O he was huffing.

To the forefront..

"And that's why Invisible Children is such an awesome organization. For example, in their bracelet campaign, they pay people living in refugee camps to make bracelets and then turn around and sell the bracelets at a profit, all of which goes back into africa. A $60 donation to IC will pay the wages of a refugee to make 16 bracelets. The 16 bracelets are then shipped and sold in the US for a profit of $300, which is then sent back to Uganda to build schools and such. So they take your money, give it to a needy person who makes them a product, then make a profit on that product that does more in Africa. It's like killing two birds with one stone." Folks I'm LOVING this. In case you didn't catch this - this is the organization Dr.Seattle's bro is working with...

The Nazi's invented housework

I believe the Nazi's invented housework. We all know they tested the mental fortitude of Jewish men by forcing them to to the same mundane task (shoveling dirt from one pile to another) over and over day by day. Any Mom will see the glaring parallel...

Now what about word repetition?

Pursuit of Fun

The challenge of today. Balancing depth with lightheartedness. I'm one of those girls that loves to discuss deep things, to probe into the deep dark core of the heart. To find intellectual surprises. But since moving here to Green Bay I've wanted balance. Somehow, it seemed "less than" or subtley "not ok" to actually ingest and provoke fun. I'm so sick of that box.

Deep spirituality and hilarity can walk hand in hand. I think they need to. Perhaps a parallel of surgeons joking about horrible ways to die is similar. I married a man that makes me laugh so hard, even in the midst of a terrible argument.
We take ourselves so darn seriously, sometimes. God forbid we be exposed.

So I'm laughing more, relaxing into my own skin and pursing lighthearted fun. It's good and folks - I LIKE it.

Flippin' cold

There is no school today. It's 25-45 degrees below zero today (w/ wind ch.). Now that's just plain chilly.

Hidden

Alright blogstalkers, I finally have a few minutes... ;)

Abandoned and tortured children. Yes, I'm going there..

So, Dr. Seattle's bro works with the MOST interesting organization. Check out this site. It is beautifully well-done - but look at what these 3 high-schoolers have done!!!! A totally grabbable context to HELP in Africa. I love this.

2 of my sis-in-law's are actually pumping breast milk for babies in africa. I know, graphic, but how COOL is that? If you don't have the girl parts or aren't wet nurses at heart, what could you give?

I come from a place where it is important to help those around you as well as OUTSIDE of your circles. It's a big world!!

Yes, I'm buzzing on my Timor Maubesse.

I hope this doesn't turn you all off...

Sexy Mess

Last night at dinner (it was just me and the kiddos), I had messily left the mail on the table during our meal. After our feasting, Cedar noticed a scarily sexy model selling her wares on the back of a Fredericks catalog. Yikes! He started giggling (thank the Lord it was just bra-land) and murmured, "Mama, look at her costume!"

Whew. We're not there yet. Her makeup was pretty intense.

Bono and You

So. Who doesn't love, if not respect in some measure, Bono.

Anyone who takes the voice that fame often imparts and focuses it to change injustice has my support. I wondered, "does everyone think about what they would change if put in Bono's place? What change are we passionate about affecting on personal levels? Have we attempted anything? Pondering...

Obama

Sen Barack Obama. Your thoughts...

MySpace

MySPace makes me nuts. I just want to connect with friends and the pressure to have a slammin site, the where in the hell are my friends - there # doesn't work!!, Why can't I jsut comment rigamarole makes me crazy. Thank you Blogger for simplicity.

Engrossed

Doogle, Curious George, Play-Do, Snacks. These are the tools of golden engrossment. I'm actually taken aback when the focus of my children is so total that we as parents cease to exist. I remember getting so lost in books that hours would pass and voices around the house would chill into white noise. Did you ever find that "Happy Place"?

The Sandbox, Our Treehouse, Our slightly scary and gross basement, Art projects, Putting on plays, Sitting in the van/station wagon/ghetto cruiser with a sibling on each side leaning onto me (a heavenly cocoon), Blanket Forts, Cuddling into my dad's back w/my face in his neck, Mom's hugs at the kitchen sink, our sunporch on Sunday afternoons (BLISS!), Helping mom rearrange furniture, Family snuggles, Smelling the Magnolia tree with Holly through her window, Making birthday hats - Balon tradition etc...

What are your favorites? Even dark childhoods have spots of light. When you're so relaxed and happy you sort've have to pee.

It's BIGGA!

I'm contemplating the Love of God. Yes, poopy diapers one minute the love of God the next. But they fit together in my life. The thought that chants in my brain is that God 's love is bigger... Bad attitudes - His love is Bigga! Small heart - It's Bigga!Unforgiveness - it's Bigga!

There are so many times to see the inadequacy of who we are. Of course we need to acknowledge and embrace where we stand. But I refuse to stay there. To make an excuse for my yuck seems to deny the power of the love of the Father to change that area. God's love can't melt 30 lbs off my behind, but embracing his view of me and what He has created me to me encourages me to love what He's given me and make it the best that I can. Damn treadmill.

Bigger Love Bigger Love Bigger Love. Man that's good stuff we have access to!

Makin babies...

Just into my 1st cup of Saturday coffee, Cedar looked up from over his pancakes and asked, "Whatcha doin today, Mom? Makin babies?" Cough, cough, sputter!!! "Um no Cedar - are you?"

Later, as Cedar was running his hamster circles shouting, "My bunghole is on FIRE!" I realized truly he is just his daddy Levi's creation.

How to raise boys....

I Feel Pretty. Oh so Pretty...

Afton found a HUGE glittery princess dress in her toybox yesterday. Ugly PJ friend had thought she would love it. SHe squealed when she saw it, "MAMA!! MAMA!!" Then she started jamming it on her head. I gathered about 3 yd.s of fabric and tucked into her pants then glitzed her up with crazy jewels, a tiara and shiny purse. This is her first real princess dress-up and when I placed her in front of the mirror -it was magic... Her eyes were wide open taking her "new" self in. SHe swirled the 30 lbs of skirt around and just stared. Finally she shouted, "Is (It's) ME! Is ME!!!!"

Why does the world love to smash that out of women?

Post-pjs

Had a live talk with a sweet friend regarding letting others just be ugly until they grow out of it. Of course this is after processing whether or not confrontation is important. Just letting others BE when you want to fix their obvious, glaring life-errors (sic) is challenging. Especially when you want to be Lord of the Universe. Especially when it is incovenient to you. Thoughts? Experiences?