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- Larky Park
- Colorful, textural clothing & accessories made from vintage, salvaged and modern materials. Wholesale Retail Online Ordering
18 comments:
to quit wondering:
Why are Christians to this day so sexually constipated in conversation?
Being understood -safe environment, safe people, safe conversation.
I'm really irritated with the taboos that cause healthy conversation to be "shocking". WHY? It's not like we have to unmask our spouses vulnerabilities.
Just saying "orgasm" will cause jaw-dropping. Very few women can even say Vulva. Folks say it 10 times fast and bring it up in a conversation.... Kidding.
How do we break free and open dialogues? So many folks are having just OK sex, while others are rocking it. Why not share tips? Maybe not on this blog (pretty open forum), but when is the last time you talked with your close friends about it?
I think change is needed.
i don't know, you and i have some girlfriends in common who aren't too shy to share:) i posted about 6months ago about sex toys and single christian women and poor tammy got so embarrassed! but i had lots of comments and, after all, isn't that what blogging is all about?!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not shy to talk about it, just too shy to talk about it on a public blog! :) Don't want certain information getting back to certain people, a.k.a. my mom. I find it's best to keep your sex life away from your parents. ;)
For the record, I don't think that all people who are "shy" to talk about sex are unhealthily so. Sex is an intensely personal subject, and I'm honestly glad that many people want to "keep it in the bedroom", if you will. I also wish there were more modesty in certain people's speech. (I'm looking at you, filthy coworkers!) That being said, I'll still discuss sex with my best girlfriends, but that's based on my own personal comfort level. I turn red if someone brings up sex and my brothers in law are in the room, but I'm pretty sure that's my God-given modesty... a gift, not a hindrance.
I think it comes down to discussing sex with people you're comfortable with. The reason "orgasm" made jaws drop was probably because those people were not comfortable discussing it with the people in the room, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Prudence is customary and rather ingrained. The "sexual revolution" happened, in part, due to the tight-lipped taboo on all things sexual. Accepting sexuality openly as a natural and encourage-able aspect of life is still a struggle. I think that the taboo aspect is a shield society uses. If you allow open dialogue, eventually some of the plastic mystery fades and people are left with only examining the true nature of their sexual partner. This is more difficult and vulnerable and mature than most folks are willing to attempt/be.
I went somewhere else, didn't I?
Well, the hardest part can be talking with your partner about what really works for him/her. Maybe they don't know? Maybe you want to surprise them? (in a good way)
And a good representation of societal norms' pressing influence? I cannot believe I am here on my niece's blog and in this topic! And, really, why shouldn't I?
And since I can't remember my account stuff, I have to sign off here: Y'uncle Rick
"Maybe you want to surprise them?(in a good way)"
Uncy Rick, you have no idea how hard I laughed thinking about what could be a "bad surprise"...e.g. "honey, are those chains?" LOL! And the really funny part was that I didn't go there with your question - I went there with your qualification. I must say, though, that I was caught off guard and suckered into this post by its innocuous title.
I believe politeness, appropriateness, sensitivity are all wonderful things. I also believe we use those things as excuses not to be honest. (Of course "honesty" can also be used as an excuse to be cruel, which then is also inappropriate). Unfortunately we live in a day where there's porn at barnes n nobles and a pedophile--though not yet convicted--on my street; thus the sad need for more, not less, honesty about sex.
Well, Doc, we must share some extent of similar humor if we are to remain sane in this deluge we in the northwest call "winter."
"I'm screamin' 'bout my wet Christmas..."
I am not for open sharing with any old mixed group of folks, and I think some details are totally personal, but I cannot express enough how grateful I personally am for the openness of Balon girls in preparing me for marriage and sex!
Growing up in a church culture where the topic itself was so off-limits that it took on a "dirtiness," I am very thankful for some courageous people at my very conservative Christian college in the Midwest who were willing to address a healthier view of sex from the church, and good friends/mentors who were willing to be open with me about some more personal aspects.
If the only message a person is getting about sex are from media and such, how would we NOT end up with some seriously screwed up ideas and expectations?! There is definitely an appropriate modesty, but the church needs to address God's views of sex and sexuality, and I think if at least close friends are able to share, it really can free some from frustration, fears, and insecurities!
Thank God for Beth and Holly and their crusade to enlighten on this great subject! :)
Chunkle, I too am screaming about this wet Christmas. The mist, I don't mind - but this heavy rain is KILLING me. I expect to be damp this time of year, not soaked.
You know, sex is a pretty great thing, especially with someone you love. But I can remember my first time and thinking "that was fun, but it wasn't the great and holy act my church had taught me to believe." In fact, my next thought was "why does the church make such a big deal out of it?" To say that sex is better with someone you love is an understatement. But my thought is that the church is really hard at work at social conditioning to try to control this behavior through fear. And that fear grows. And if we look at the people who are seemingly "unafraid" of confronting this issue, we see a common link to people who are unafraid of who they are and tend to be comfortable in their body image (or at least accepting of the gifts and faults of their body). And I think the longer you are in a stable relationship and can build that positive self-image, the less fearful you become of allowing people to see us as sexual beings. Because isn't that what we are really afraid of, that people would imagine us during the course of the conversation engaging in the intimate act? (And imagining us in that state of vulnerability is nearly the same in our minds as actually seeing us in that state)
Just a thought...
And if that was less than coherent, I apologize. I had WAY too much fun at a law firm Christmas party. Ironically, we saw "The Burlesque Nutcracker".
Only in the PNW, eh Uncle Chunkle?
Adam,
Interesting thoughts, if I understood your incoherence properly. ;)
I don't think fear is ever a healthy response to sex. I see in my own personal relationships people who are afraid of specific acts because of church teachings. It's unfortunate to limit your sex life without using actual Biblical guidelines.
"Because isn't that what we are really afraid of, that people would imagine us during the course of the conversation engaging in the intimate act?"
It actually WASN'T what I was afraid of... but it is now!
*cowers in corner*
;)
yeah now i'm paranoid. it can't just be "do i have a booger or food in my teeth" it's "is he (or she) picturing my sad self naked"?! yikes.
I wasn't going to mention it, but, yes Jenny, you DO have a booger in your teeth.
Sorry, hon, but that open door looked like a Christmas present from this side of the web. And I'm pretty sure my statement is untrue. Right?
Doc mentioned the first time. What I remember from mine was amazement, excitement and abject fear. Well, regular fear, anyway.
I was amazed that "it" was happening. I was naturally excited. And then the thought hit me that there was a possibility that I could become a fifteen-year-old father. I must have had some common sense (something I feel may be less common these days) because that thought changed the potential progression of the evening right there. That fear probably changed the course of my life.
There was but a paltry availability of sex education back in the day. Frankly, I've received most of my learning through a combination of reading, talking and (pardon me) practice. I didn't marry until age 39, so sue me. Oddly enough, or maybe not so, little, if any education came from talking with the guys. We tended not to do that. Women were willing to share that information more readily. To them, I have always been most grateful.
It's the new millenium and there there is a plethora of cogent and sensitive instructional media out there. Yeah, there's that other stuff, too, but it's easy enough to click the back button before your head goes up in flames.
As I recall, there are some vary daring Christian women that I know who attended one of "those" parties to get some fun stuff to take home to their Hubbies. I guess none of those gals are shy in this way. he..he..
hey beth i wonder who those dirty women were...
Gosh, golly, gee-willikers! Nothing from Levi, here? But ... but...?
He's a shy feller...
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