Saturday, December 30, 2006

Thoughts gathered on love

For one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult task of all, the epitome - the ultimate test. It is that striving for which all other striving is merely preparation. Rainier Maria Rilke

I want the love in my life to feel like a deep breath, a blushing laugh, a view across the Sea of Cortez, always expanding - wider - glowing. Sabrina W. Harrison

If we let ourselves be truly seen, then we can be truly loved. Sark

Bless the not knowing.

Ugly PJ's

I have a sweet friend who gave my son horribly ugly pj's because she thought he'd like them. He does. They're near fav.'s. And because I love them and they aren't killing him I let him wear them. Sometimes I think you just have to let people wear or be ugly until they grow out of it.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Hallmark-ish Holiday

HAPPPPPEEEEE Kwanzaa!!!!!!!

Just saw the trailer for Miss Potter - (Beatrix Potter) Looks wonderful - woman against the odds - LOVE that.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Joan E Kimball

People that impact your forever. I was raised by amazing people. Yet in Jr High/High School self-definition outside of the fam was sooo important. I happened across one of the most stellar women I've ever met. She later became one of my mom's closer friends and even better - family!! ( My sis married her son)

Her best facets: She is a consummate student of life (always aware and learning), she looks you in the eyes-listens-and-makes you feel understood. She appreciates beauty and seems to draw it out of people and life - the best rises. She is humble and FUN and somehow - things are peaceful around her.

What a woman. ;)

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


OK, checked out FlyLady. I WAS RAISED WITH IT. I kid you not. At 13, my mom bequeathed to me my very own organizational notebox. Grouped by hour, day, week, month and year. I committed to a contract (which I lost) to clean (which I failed at repeatedly) until bizarrely enough, I left home and actually took responsibility for my pigsty habits. I'm pretty good, but c'mon - it's the holidays and I have a 1 and 1/2 yr old tornado queen and a husband that couldn't find the hamper if he slept on it.


Well well well well well.... I'm surveying the atomic blast that is my household. My mom always said when facing disaster take bite-size hunks, one at a time. I need coffee and my housekeeper. I thought I could face this without her. I love Christmas and this was an especially significant and poignant one for us. But the aftermath when the husband has left for work and the kids just want to roll and relish in the herculean mounds that I am attempting to dismantle is daunting. At least my kids are cute. ;) Although I did find Afton hurt & crying, wrapped up in hula-hoops and gift bags with Cedar's drumsticks nearby...

By the way, my folks are "out of Africa" and recovering well. Mom took her Malaria pill and is feeling better. I can't wait to hear about their experiences.

John and E and my brother Nat are coming in this weekend at different times - THAT'S when the holidays will feel complete!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Hot lights

Was driving on Dousman, a 25 mph street here in Green Bay. There stands a beacon to all things gloriously childlike and gaudy - 2 and 1/2 stories (4 if you include the evergreen) of hideous perfection. I slowed down. I had to. I had to soak in the rays, the glow, the melodic spinning Santas (just kidding, no spinning).

Nostalgia. I love the cinnamon candies mom put on her sugar cookies. Love cutting down our own little tree and the sharp scents of winter. Love the wonderment in Cedar's eyes that I remember in my brother Matthew's eyes. We used to read "the Little Colonel" and all six of us kids would pack into one of our room on Christmas Eve wiggling with anticipation. My Lord, those memories are precious.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

What the......?

Tonight Cedar was praying with his face smashed in the pillows. Through the weird 4 yr old ramblings I hear, "...bless the people on the roads, help us learn, help daddy play poker...". WHAT THE...?

On another note...Is there anything cooler than having people in your home? Of course there is always the pre-cleaning hubbub, the post visit cleaning and keeping your kids from burning down the Barbie Hot wheel garage... But, my Lord - to risk and find connections with people who just acquaintances or to laugh until you're running to the bathroom before you pee your pants or to bust out the guitars and be silly or even to worship. To be or to build community - it is just so satisfying!

Pondering: What are the differences between what makes a women feel safe to be her true self and what makes a make feel safe.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Excellence in the Cocoon

I am lazy by nature. But that nature has gotten me nowhere. So I have learned to love clearing out the clutter physically and mentally. The biggest challenge is the tenous balance of schedule. To be able to give the munchkins, the hub, my business, my household and the Father the needed amounts of time feels like a tightwire trick. Anyone relate?

My sis in law E, addressed this well on her blog. Some days you're surfing, some your rolling around in the sandy nether-belly of the sea. Young children in the house will often necessitate "cocoon" time - but it can go all too wrong if mama doesn't get time or MAKE time for herself. (The MAKE is for me to focus on). We are so shaped by life's mundane moments.

Holly, one of my girlfriends, calls it "fIinding excellence in the cocoon".

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Katie Couric

What is it about Katie Couric that makes me insane? I don't KNOW her. How is it you can watch the tube and decide you absolutely MUST change the channel before you are forced to poke your own eyes out?


There is almost always some truth in even the most negative critique. You may have to wade through shit to find the diamond - but you can always take that diamond to the bank. Shovel, shovel, shovel!


I love passion. Passion for excellence, character, beauty, honesty, etc... It moves me to a loving focus, out of sluggish mom-needs-coffee land. But passionate, strong people by nature can drive others away. Passion can repel a middle of the road, comfort midset. But the balance of the two is pure joy and near perfection.

Saturday, December 9, 2006


Tonight, snuggled chin-deep in arctic fleece blankets, my son said, "Mom, I'm the ME-est". Perfectly content in himself. The me-ist - no one can take his place in the universe.

What the......?

I wonder how to raise children that will not only feel secure, but will be able to stand in self-confidence. How is it possible that I was raised in such a secure home and for most of my life struggled with agonizing bouts of self-doubt? I suppose one involves more risk.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Pipe man

Yesterday I watched as a man smoking a very distinguished pipe hustled across the street in front of my vehicle (I refuse to say minivan- or as the Amish say, "Mini-wan"), and I pondered, aren't pipe smokers supposed to bustle? Or shuffle? But no - he was hustling. It felt all wrong. Smoking a pipe like drinking a martini, involves ritual, contemplation and I assume enjoyment... Now i realize, upon contemplation, he was blaspheming the art.

Then again, it was only 2 degrees Fahrenheit and pretty windy.