Well, enough is enough. As I have been able to shift into a more focused mamacita mode, I've realized an awful truth. Super-B was right. :)
Super-B and I complement each other in our parenting styles which usually turns out well. He tends to be more structural (which helps when I'm feeling tired or lazy) and I'm more gentle or preceptive (like when the w.d. smacks a Barbie on Super-'s face to wake him at 5am to play) We love them and want them to learn to think, not just obey.
Super-B said I was too soft, and too inconsistent. I've really worked on the inconsistency part - but how much tenderness a mom gives is a tough crossing to navigate. I go there by default. Sometimes the embarassing old-school "Protect them from the mean, misunderstanding dad" mental shenanigans crop up, too.
But there comes a time... I have always heard that if children will obey on the 3rd time, they will obey on the 1st. I've resisted this philosophy because I wanted to give my kids time to think about truly obeying. It worked at first, and obviously in time, fails.
As Levi has been working more, I've had to put on my big-girl panties. And I am tired. But I've decide I have the bootie to wear the panties which unloads like this:
Kids need to learn to respond to their mom's voice immediately, no excuses (except for hearing - we extruded 2 inches of wax from Cedar's ear today by candling -remarkable!)
1st time obedience is important, and so is the patience for kids to grow into that. Frankly, I still haven't and God loves the prodigal - but to help them avoid unnecessary pain because of good listening is common sense.
Sassy mouths must be quickly curbed in. The first time Cedar was incredibly sassy - I actually smacked his mouth. He started crying and so did I! Levi and I had talked for 4 yrs about how we would NEVER hit our kids in the face. It doesn't serve a purpose to smack a face other that to negatively shame. It was the weirdest instinctual reaction that I will never do again. Ugh - what a wake-up call to my lack of a plan and lack of emotional self-control.
We've now spent a pretty yucky week and a half shifting into a new gear - the gear of "Momma will not take your crap." Boy, I am learning and having to be humble in the midst of this. Can anyone relate?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
About Me
- Larky Park
- Colorful, textural clothing & accessories made from vintage, salvaged and modern materials. Wholesale Retail Online Ordering
16 comments:
Sometimes I smack Dan in the mouth when he suggests I wash the dishes... does this count?
Unfortunately, my baby has done little more than float around and poke me in the tummy, so I can't relate to this yet, but I'm interested to see what everyone else has to say. Obedience and getting rid of the sass-quatch is a really interesting issue.
Bethany, honey, EVERY mommy can relate. My Hannah especially is SO verbal and free-spirited that I learned early on (like, when she was three!) that it would me my job to help her ...um... steward her words! Fortunately she also has a very sweet spirit, and when she finally learned that her words had the potential to hurt me, she was literally mortified. Most kids (I believe anyway) have a tender side that just needs to be brought out, and when they learn the power of their words they'll test it for awhile because power is fun...but they CAN and DO learn to use them wisely. And for the recorde, I am of the "old-school" philosophy that moms and dads deserve respect. Not necessarily the "yes sir" variety, but temper tantrums aren't allowed either. I absolutely allow healthy expression of emotion in my house, but teaching the difference between "good choices" and "bad choices" also comes into play here! And P.S. Tequila at the end of the day for mommy may help too... :)
uh, yep. Everyday of my life. I go through times of "breaking bad" on everyone in the house to get them back into line...And I know for sure that your mommy instinct kicks in when things just are out of line...and it also knows when to give grace. Maybe it's the Holy Spirit and not just Mommy instinct, but there are seasons for everything. And, of course, I have been humbled sooo many times as a parent. I'm only human and make mistakes. I jump to conclusions on what happened, I accuse the wrong person, I lose my temper, I have adult sized temper tantrums when people are following my plans...I'm a work in progress too. But, as long as we grow together as a family we'll all be ok and so will you.
I feel your pain girl. Can't wait to see you next week.
yeah i hear you with the parenting stuff, you glow girl!!
what is super B?
Hi there!
This is a fantastic, humble, and honest blog about parenting. I, too, once smacked Sawyer across the face because he spit in my face when I was disciplining him and unfortunately all he remembers is me slapping him...not what he was getting in trouble for. I will not do that again...and I went and cried in the other room for feeling so bad.
I, too, fall into the""Protect them from the mean, misunderstanding dad" mental shenanigans" as well with Paul.
And he, too, has accused me of being too soft. And to think my little sweet Warren could ever sass me...that was the worst day ever when that started.
Parenting is tough. I feel your pain and struggle. It sounds like you are doing a great job, though!
:)Parenting is so humbling!!
not to get too spiritual on everyone, but it's the most humbling when i realize i "spit" in my Heavenly Father's face every day. and somehow He forgives me and tries to teach me. wow.
uh jenny, that totally distracts from the conversation at hand....
lol! just kidding. good thought.
l.
and joaneeeeee... thats my new name. I've taken to it quite nicely.
l.
I'de like to just point out this one little phrase.....
"Super-B was right. :)"
Holy Crap! that doesn't happen often...
l.
Super-B would be short for:
Super Bod?
Super Burp?
Super Bad?
Super Beautiful?
Super Bomb?
Super Boy?
I could go on but it was already beginning to degenerate...
...super butt-head...super bone-head...heehee
Ugh, the other day Caleb was driving me nuts so I kicked him in the butt and he fell down.
I was horrified!!!!
Was that actually me that did that to my son? I felt like such a third grade bully! I half expected this bizarre me would steal his milk money next!!
However, I can kind of laugh now too. I'm big on consistency, and I try to be fair, but I also can see through the bigger lens. My kicking him in the butt at 16 months probably won't crop up as a major life issue later. Grace goes both ways. I really think kids can take a lot when the home life is stable and they know they are loved and valued. And this I KNOW both whirling and Cedar feel from you both. And I know Caleb feels this from me.
I salute you for owning up to some difficult truth and making steps to change! Bravo!!!
Faith, it kind of seems like you showed Caleb that Mommy has a sense of humor and he should, too.
You do no what mamacita means, right?
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mamasita
Hey Beth,
I have cropped up again to say hello to you and Lester and the kiddo's.....I have thought a lot about you guys lately and hoping all is well and we miss all the laughs we used to have. And.....to confess that motherhood has been the most humbling experience I have walked consistently through!!! I have done some awful things that I tooooo spent many hours fretting over, and thinking about all the changes I need to make, which I believe is good for us to do from time to time. My mom is great lady but totally unethical as far as parenting and CPS probably would have definitely talked with her about a few things but bottom line is yeah I have issues but she loves me and I know it. Your kids will remember that you and Levi loved them and that you and Levi loved each other and love covers a multitude of crap (my own translation).. We love you guys and think of you often...take care..
tamy
Post a Comment