Monday, November 16, 2009

Unsure

So I had an experience this weekend that left me bewildered. Like most moms who have spent years in diapers, dishes and antibacterial hand gel, the invitation to go out and have fun is a tempting pandora's box. We all know we need it. The box factor comes in when we realize that we may need to purchase spanx, get a haircut and actually apply lipgloss to rock our inner glam factor. But if you are desperate and it happens to be a part of a commitment to attend a wedding - you go for it.

As a closet introvert with years of social practice, I charge up my batteries for these type of events. So raring to go, I charged ahead full-steam. Having volunteered to help with the various needs of the weekend, I met many of the family members and friends. That being said - all went well until the reception. I put myself together and got ready to have fun. The dancing got going and I jumped in with my girlies to kick it up. I mingled and shmingled to my hearts content. But I noticed some crude attention from some of the fellas as I went along. I felt a little uncomfortable, but decided boys are boys and blew it off.

As a back history, I was raised in a conservative christian home. Guys were generally not the focus of my teen existence and I've never really learned the skills of relating well with men.

Back to the reception. So I finished up the night wondering something. "Am I comfortable dressing in an attractive way and being a christian?" Why this became an issue was because I had comments about my a**, and several comments about looking sexy and even f-bombs and sexual innuendos thoughout the event. One fellow in particular was over the line and down the canyon, so to speak.

Did I dress in too provocative a way? Did I dance in the same way? Did this affect my "reputation" ;) as a believer? I was with regular folks who weren't necessarily christians and who had been drinking plenty. Was it them or was it me? I've never considered myself sexy or tryed act that way. I've never flirted (ask my husband, I'm still trying to learn with him, poor baby!) and so I'm confused.

Any advice out there? Some male perspective would be especially helpful.

8 comments:

InYerBidnessUncle said...

Holy crap! Talk about a Pandora's Box opening! When I have more time, I'll come back to this.
In short, you were out in the "regular folks" world, where the some of the lessons learned have probably been forgotten through lack of observance, and guys + drinks may often lead to bad judgement on their part as to what is funny, complimentary, or desired, and, well, this is the bigger part, you took a night out of your everyday life to allow yourself to relax and have some not-run-of-the-mill-fun, to let out and express in ways that have been waiting some time to experience expression, and you did it truthfully. I don't see anything wrong with you reveling in your womanhood. My guess is it was honest and not intentionally provocative. But that kind of honesty and freedom within yourself can be a potent attention-getter and, sadly, many men are ill-equipped to enjoy your revels gracefully.
I imagine you were guilty of nothing but your unfamiliarity with this situation. I'm sure you think of yourself as a mom and wife first and mostly. That doesn't mean that Bethany, the smart, creative, maybe a little crazy individual is dead. It just means that she has priorites that mask the complete her from both herself and the world. It's okay to be a hottie!
I have to go now. I wish I had more time!

leviathen said...

amen...

mummers said...

Beth, dear, let the "gentlemen" (?) own their behavior. I have watched you many a time on a dance floor and you have never done anything that could provoke a blush from me....and if my memory doesn't fail me, weren't YOU the one who held the Fashion Show to help young things make better fashion choices????? The issue I'm sure was not you, but the alcohol level in young/old men who use being drunk as an excuse to be, as Abi says, .... "barbarians".

Steve S. said...

Yeah, men are pigs...

...speaking of men, what is your hubby's email? would you have him email me?

schenk.steven@gmail.com

Thanks!

betharoo said...

Thank goodness for you all. I needed those comments. ;) ANd yes steve, I'll have my honey email you...

Holly said...

ok, im not a man, but i appreciate Uncle Rick's perspective :-) getting at the heart of the matter.

however, if you wore the nude lipgloss deal you got going, im not surprised the room fell out. I told you you looked awesome with that!

à la parisienne said...

Bethany,

Thank you for visiting my blog. I tried to find an email address to respond to your question, but couldn't locate it.

My sister-in-law and I actually put this little hat together. The base of the hat was one of those outdated flat straw doll hats you can find at a yardsale for a quarter. Then we topped it with ribbon, vintage millinery, tulle, and a feather.

Best of luck!
Mandy

Josh Pernitsch said...

Why did you stop blogging! your a very good writer!